my friend, rowell, sang me this song in kapampangan the other day.
it is from a father to his son, upon finding themselves separated.
i'm not sure why they were separated.
there are an infinite number of reasons, i guess.
bulan
potang malungkut ka
potang tatakut ka
potang paintunan mu ku
lumwal ka, talanga ka
akit me ing bulan
a masala, karin mikit kata
eneka tumakut, ena ku naman
migaganaka uling balu ku
balang bengi mikikit kata
king lalam ning bulan a masala
marayu kamaw kabug ning
salu mu, sainsing mu
fanandaman ku balu ku
aintingdyan ku
akit me ing bulan
a masala, karin mikit kata
eneka tumakut, ena ku naman
migaganaka uling balu ku
balang bengi mikikit kata
king lalam ning bulan a masala
parati mu sang tandanan
muran man, atyu ya
ing bulan
***
moon
when you are sad
when you are scared
when you are looking for me
go out and look
you will see the moon so bright
there we’ll meet
you will fear no more
and i won’t worry about you
because i know
every night we see each other under the bright moon
even though you are far away
your heartbeat
your sigh
i hear
i know
i understand
you will see the moon so bright
there we’ll meet
you will fear no more
and i won’t worry about you
always remember even if it rains, the moon is just there.
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Saturday, February 16, 2008
skeletons
i see the closet doors out of my periphery.
my heart beats faster as i know i will be opening them soon.
what will i do with what i find in there?
why has no one spoken of them?
why did they pretend they were not there?
there is nothing to "do," per se.
and there is much to know, to get to know.
i've been so busy doing other things.
i am reminded that this is also part of my work here.
okay.
my heart beats faster as i know i will be opening them soon.
what will i do with what i find in there?
why has no one spoken of them?
why did they pretend they were not there?
there is nothing to "do," per se.
and there is much to know, to get to know.
i've been so busy doing other things.
i am reminded that this is also part of my work here.
okay.
kuwintas
the scent of nag champa doesn't make me sad anymore.
i burn a little bit everyday, and i remember the unflappable.
it strengthens my resolve.
and i smile.
i remember the laughter.
and the love.
the jokes and fun of long ago.
not that long ago.
lifetimes ago.
i remember the ease.
and i wonder when we'll find it again.
until then, i look at the moon.
until then, i continue to put one foot in front of the other.
i marvel how the love doesn't change.
i wear mine, too.
i burn a little bit everyday, and i remember the unflappable.
it strengthens my resolve.
and i smile.
i remember the laughter.
and the love.
the jokes and fun of long ago.
not that long ago.
lifetimes ago.
i remember the ease.
and i wonder when we'll find it again.
until then, i look at the moon.
until then, i continue to put one foot in front of the other.
i marvel how the love doesn't change.
i wear mine, too.
Thursday, February 14, 2008
san valentin
i just had one of the best v-days in a looong time.
wasn't planning on doing anything.
actually wanted to kinda disregard the whole v-day thing altogether...
except everyone around me was wearing red.
and greeting, "happy valentimes!"
and asking me stuff like, "ano, ate karen, may valentine ka ba?
sabi ko, "wala ho. pero okay lang yun."
sabi nila, "di bale, hinanap kita."
was all ready to spend a quiet night at home.
"watch" a movie and do paperwork.
was going to catch up on clinic stuff.
no shortage of things to do...
actually thursdays are one my favorite days at the clinic.
the two thursday physical therapists are great.
one is Estong.
the other is Michelle.
riot naman si Estong talaga.
tawang tawa kami si Michelle.
corny, corny pinoy jokes all day long.
"ang corny!"
come to think of it, he and Nathanel would have a field day marathon.
they also have great rapport with the clients and their families.
turns out Estong can also play the guitar and sing.
so, pagkatapos ang clinic namin, nag song hits kami.
for the past two thursdays, Estong has brought a plastic shopping bag full of song hits.
worn out and tattered, the stack of song hits magazines are a treasure trove of guitar tab and lyrics.
tagalog songs, love songs, folk, pop, oldies, hip hop even.
i really love hanging out with musicians.
on thursdays, the three of us go out to lunch together.
always to armi's carinderia.
the three of us somehow manage to fit onto Estong's scooter.
Michelle crouched in front.
Estong in the middle, driving.
me in the back.
then we order tortang talong, lechon paksiw, pusong saging, sisig, meatballs, pinakbet, beef caldereta, sinigang...
whatever strikes our fancy that particular day.
ako, palagi, nag order ako ng lechon paksiw at kalahating order na pusong saging.
sarap!
always a liter of pepsi to share.
(to think i RARELY drank soda before this trip)
atsaka tatlong kanin.
the tv is usually on tuned into the lunchtime program variety show/game show.
we call out the answers to the quiz questions.
i feel embarrassed when the show host pokes fun at the contestants and makes them dance to sexy music.
after lunch, we go back to the clinic and do song hits and our charting, in that order.
in the middle of song hits, i got a two texts.
one was from Reimon, wanting to drop by the clinic for a valentine's hug, as he made his way back to manila.
the other from Maryan, inviting me to an arty, foodie, concert taking place at the angeles museum.
by the time song hits ended and charting was done, it was around 4pm.
naligo ako.
Reimon and his driver Kuya Eugene showed up as the sun was setting.
i invited Reimon to the angeles museum thing.
we exchanged our vday hug, and he gave me a small gift bag filled with pastillas, saging, and (jyesss, ang bagong favorite ko) passionfruit. also a pirated copy of brokeback mountain, a movie that we were wanting to see together last week. we had this long conversation on longing kasi, and we thought that that movie captured it, heartbreakingly so.
around 5:30pm is when people start buying and preparing for dinner.
vendors sell garlic peanuts, fish balls, balut, boiled corn, etc. in the streets.
the sun is setting and it is cool. people are out in droves.
as we left madapdap, we bought corn and peanuts.
as we drove towards angeles, the sky was lit up with setting sunlight. the high clouds caught the light and reflected back pinks and yellows.
"let's watch the sunset!"
"sige, where's a good place?"
"let's find a hill. or a bridge."
the sun waits for no one.
nary a hill nor a bridge could be found fast enough.
we pulled off the road into the middle of a sugar cane field.
Kuya Eugene magically produced (as he is wont to do) two chairs out of nowhere.
we sat and munched on corn and roasted peanuts and sipped prado basil tea from a yellow thermos.
we laughed as Eugene snapped our photo in the middle of the sugar cane field.
talagang production number ito.
our conversation meandered from topic to topic. we laughed and were quiet.
a swarm of mosquitos hovered and spiraled near my head, but didn't bite me.
sappy tagalog love songs were playing from the pick up.
we made fun of them and pretended that we didn't know who sang them.
the sheltering sky bade us farewell.
and the moon came out, right above our heads.
"hello Beautiful," i whispered to her.
Reimon was craving chickenjoy from jollibee.
so we went to dau, and i had my very first chickenjoy.
it was so amusing to eat fastfood with him kasi, whenever we are together, it is usually organic this, biodynamic that.
afterwards, it was 8pm.
he dropped me off at the museum.
he had to get back to manila so Eugene and his wife could celebrate valentine's day.
celebrated v-day again with the Tayags.
met 4 or 5 of Claude's siblings. (12 all together!)
and mga pamangkin.
and his ina.
Maryan made kwento-kwento about watching the recent senate hearings live.
the music floated up to us from below.
Maryan made buffalo chicken wings and boasted that she is a better cook than Claude.
they were good ha.
nice cheeses.
and wine.
a full, full evening.
Claude made baon for me with all the leftover things that don't need refrigeration.
he was really thoughtful.
alam niya, wala pa akong ref, eh.
they dropped me home at 11pm, i think the latest i've been home to the clinic.
got online and chatted and talked and skyped.
that was five hours ago.
left the house, Joy!
now, i just gotta remember to get some sleep!
wasn't planning on doing anything.
actually wanted to kinda disregard the whole v-day thing altogether...
except everyone around me was wearing red.
and greeting, "happy valentimes!"
and asking me stuff like, "ano, ate karen, may valentine ka ba?
sabi ko, "wala ho. pero okay lang yun."
sabi nila, "di bale, hinanap kita."
was all ready to spend a quiet night at home.
"watch" a movie and do paperwork.
was going to catch up on clinic stuff.
no shortage of things to do...
actually thursdays are one my favorite days at the clinic.
the two thursday physical therapists are great.
one is Estong.
the other is Michelle.
riot naman si Estong talaga.
tawang tawa kami si Michelle.
corny, corny pinoy jokes all day long.
"ang corny!"
come to think of it, he and Nathanel would have a field day marathon.
they also have great rapport with the clients and their families.
turns out Estong can also play the guitar and sing.
so, pagkatapos ang clinic namin, nag song hits kami.
for the past two thursdays, Estong has brought a plastic shopping bag full of song hits.
worn out and tattered, the stack of song hits magazines are a treasure trove of guitar tab and lyrics.
tagalog songs, love songs, folk, pop, oldies, hip hop even.
i really love hanging out with musicians.
on thursdays, the three of us go out to lunch together.
always to armi's carinderia.
the three of us somehow manage to fit onto Estong's scooter.
Michelle crouched in front.
Estong in the middle, driving.
me in the back.
then we order tortang talong, lechon paksiw, pusong saging, sisig, meatballs, pinakbet, beef caldereta, sinigang...
whatever strikes our fancy that particular day.
ako, palagi, nag order ako ng lechon paksiw at kalahating order na pusong saging.
sarap!
always a liter of pepsi to share.
(to think i RARELY drank soda before this trip)
atsaka tatlong kanin.
the tv is usually on tuned into the lunchtime program variety show/game show.
we call out the answers to the quiz questions.
i feel embarrassed when the show host pokes fun at the contestants and makes them dance to sexy music.
after lunch, we go back to the clinic and do song hits and our charting, in that order.
in the middle of song hits, i got a two texts.
one was from Reimon, wanting to drop by the clinic for a valentine's hug, as he made his way back to manila.
the other from Maryan, inviting me to an arty, foodie, concert taking place at the angeles museum.
by the time song hits ended and charting was done, it was around 4pm.
naligo ako.
Reimon and his driver Kuya Eugene showed up as the sun was setting.
i invited Reimon to the angeles museum thing.
we exchanged our vday hug, and he gave me a small gift bag filled with pastillas, saging, and (jyesss, ang bagong favorite ko) passionfruit. also a pirated copy of brokeback mountain, a movie that we were wanting to see together last week. we had this long conversation on longing kasi, and we thought that that movie captured it, heartbreakingly so.
around 5:30pm is when people start buying and preparing for dinner.
vendors sell garlic peanuts, fish balls, balut, boiled corn, etc. in the streets.
the sun is setting and it is cool. people are out in droves.
as we left madapdap, we bought corn and peanuts.
as we drove towards angeles, the sky was lit up with setting sunlight. the high clouds caught the light and reflected back pinks and yellows.
"let's watch the sunset!"
"sige, where's a good place?"
"let's find a hill. or a bridge."
the sun waits for no one.
nary a hill nor a bridge could be found fast enough.
we pulled off the road into the middle of a sugar cane field.
Kuya Eugene magically produced (as he is wont to do) two chairs out of nowhere.
we sat and munched on corn and roasted peanuts and sipped prado basil tea from a yellow thermos.
we laughed as Eugene snapped our photo in the middle of the sugar cane field.
talagang production number ito.
our conversation meandered from topic to topic. we laughed and were quiet.
a swarm of mosquitos hovered and spiraled near my head, but didn't bite me.
sappy tagalog love songs were playing from the pick up.
we made fun of them and pretended that we didn't know who sang them.
the sheltering sky bade us farewell.
and the moon came out, right above our heads.
"hello Beautiful," i whispered to her.
Reimon was craving chickenjoy from jollibee.
so we went to dau, and i had my very first chickenjoy.
it was so amusing to eat fastfood with him kasi, whenever we are together, it is usually organic this, biodynamic that.
afterwards, it was 8pm.
he dropped me off at the museum.
he had to get back to manila so Eugene and his wife could celebrate valentine's day.
celebrated v-day again with the Tayags.
met 4 or 5 of Claude's siblings. (12 all together!)
and mga pamangkin.
and his ina.
Maryan made kwento-kwento about watching the recent senate hearings live.
the music floated up to us from below.
Maryan made buffalo chicken wings and boasted that she is a better cook than Claude.
they were good ha.
nice cheeses.
and wine.
a full, full evening.
Claude made baon for me with all the leftover things that don't need refrigeration.
he was really thoughtful.
alam niya, wala pa akong ref, eh.
they dropped me home at 11pm, i think the latest i've been home to the clinic.
got online and chatted and talked and skyped.
that was five hours ago.
left the house, Joy!
now, i just gotta remember to get some sleep!
ostrich
my friend Leny came to visit me yesterday.
it was surreal.
i was just at her house last month in sonoma.
then, here she is in pampanga.
we went to paradise ranch in clark.
and saw ostrich.
and butterflies.
and an eagle that turned out to be a hawk.
and a swan that turned out to be a duck.
i found three brown feathers with white polka dots.
i tucked them away in my elephant box.
got internet at the clinic two days ago.
yiyeh.
my friend Joy said, "remember to leave the house every once in a while."
oo nga.
tama.
well, i went to the ranch.
that counts.
it was surreal.
i was just at her house last month in sonoma.
then, here she is in pampanga.
we went to paradise ranch in clark.
and saw ostrich.
and butterflies.
and an eagle that turned out to be a hawk.
and a swan that turned out to be a duck.
i found three brown feathers with white polka dots.
i tucked them away in my elephant box.
got internet at the clinic two days ago.
yiyeh.
my friend Joy said, "remember to leave the house every once in a while."
oo nga.
tama.
well, i went to the ranch.
that counts.
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
moon
i thought the moon was waning.
hindi pala.
she is waxing.
i look up and greet her each night.
and think of you.
hindi pala.
she is waxing.
i look up and greet her each night.
and think of you.
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
progress
from astro.com today:
Easy progress ***
Valid during many months: At this time you have the chance to get in touch with your innermost psychological being and experience your real emotions. You can understand your real motives and the basis of your unconscious compulsions and drives. You will experience your emotions as profound, real and intense, but not difficult. Because of this you can learn about aspects of your personality that are normally hidden even from yourself. This is an excellent time for encountering philosophies of human potential and growth. But you won't have to deal with it abstractly, because even in your everyday relationships you will handle people with much more emotional depth and feeling than usual.
This influence can affect your personal and domestic life as well as your innermost psychological nature. It gives the opportunity to make creative changes and reforms in your relationships with the people you see every day, such as your family, relatives and parents. You may make physical changes in your home that reflect the changes taking place within you, so that your immediate surroundings more closely harmonize with your feelings.
But there is little sense of turmoil with this influence. You have a strong sense of belonging, and those who are close to you support the changes that are happening inside you, which makes it easier to progress. Past conditioning, which often causes difficulties by generating inappropriate behavior, will actually give you a boost now. You have a strong feeling that you have something to fall back on, and that whatever you have to do will work out favorably. But you will not be run by past conditioning. Because even as it operates, you can see its actions and understand it.
Activity period from beginning of February 2008 until beginning of December 2009.
Easy progress ***
Valid during many months: At this time you have the chance to get in touch with your innermost psychological being and experience your real emotions. You can understand your real motives and the basis of your unconscious compulsions and drives. You will experience your emotions as profound, real and intense, but not difficult. Because of this you can learn about aspects of your personality that are normally hidden even from yourself. This is an excellent time for encountering philosophies of human potential and growth. But you won't have to deal with it abstractly, because even in your everyday relationships you will handle people with much more emotional depth and feeling than usual.
This influence can affect your personal and domestic life as well as your innermost psychological nature. It gives the opportunity to make creative changes and reforms in your relationships with the people you see every day, such as your family, relatives and parents. You may make physical changes in your home that reflect the changes taking place within you, so that your immediate surroundings more closely harmonize with your feelings.
But there is little sense of turmoil with this influence. You have a strong sense of belonging, and those who are close to you support the changes that are happening inside you, which makes it easier to progress. Past conditioning, which often causes difficulties by generating inappropriate behavior, will actually give you a boost now. You have a strong feeling that you have something to fall back on, and that whatever you have to do will work out favorably. But you will not be run by past conditioning. Because even as it operates, you can see its actions and understand it.
Activity period from beginning of February 2008 until beginning of December 2009.
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