dip is deep

i have this random textmate that sends me messages every so often.
i have no idea who this person is or how they got my number.

the texts usually have a religious flavor to them.
and they are almost always in english.
and, it's funny because they have this uncanny timing.

here's the latest:

wnevr u dnt undrstnd wats hpening n ur lyf
u jz hv 2 cLse ur eyes
tke a dip breath & say
"LORD, i knw it's ur plan,
jst help me thru it!"
gud am!

/|\

roused again

woke up this morning at around 3am.
my room was so hot.
and someone was pulling my energy from the states.
was it you?

clarity

it is not enough for me to have clarity; though it is an essential step.
clarity allows me to see...
my past.
my present.
clarity leads me to my vision of my future.

an authentic existence.
a Path of wholeness, of Service.
clarity also allows me to see my choices and their impact, their ripple effect.
clarity also allows me to see my interdependence, my place in the Cosmos.

i also need commitment.

commitment to maintaining the clarity.
commitment to positioning myself so that my vision is realized.

by any means necessary.

this doesn't mean that i allow myself to leave a trail of bodies in my wake.
i am certainly capable of doing it that way.

no, instead, i practice fierce Compassion.
and nurture my discipline to stay the course.
to get up when i fall.
and i fall often.
to choose this way of life each and every day, every moment.

my dear friend, Amy, emailed the other day.
sabi niya, " I feel more and more strongly that the best way to live this life is to put down the things that take away my clarity, even my own passion."

i am struck by her words.
this is the stuff of deep, deep Love.

virgen de guadalupe

went for a long bike ride today.
found a monastary.
asked to be let in.
Sister Irene brought me to the chapel and sat with me while i sobbed.
afterwards, she fed me star apple and sampaloc juice.
Ina, Ina.

bulan

my friend, rowell, sang me this song in kapampangan the other day.
it is from a father to his son, upon finding themselves separated.
i'm not sure why they were separated.
there are an infinite number of reasons, i guess.

bulan

potang malungkut ka
potang tatakut ka
potang paintunan mu ku
lumwal ka, talanga ka

akit me ing bulan
a masala, karin mikit kata
eneka tumakut, ena ku naman
migaganaka uling balu ku
balang bengi mikikit kata
king lalam ning bulan a masala

marayu kamaw kabug ning
salu mu, sainsing mu
fanandaman ku balu ku
aintingdyan ku

akit me ing bulan
a masala, karin mikit kata
eneka tumakut, ena ku naman
migaganaka uling balu ku
balang bengi mikikit kata
king lalam ning bulan a masala

parati mu sang tandanan
muran man, atyu ya
ing bulan

***
moon

when you are sad
when you are scared
when you are looking for me
go out and look


you will see the moon so bright
there we’ll meet
you will fear no more
and i won’t worry about you

because i know
every night we see each other under the bright moon

even though you are far away
your heartbeat
your sigh
i hear

i know
i understand

you will see the moon so bright
there we’ll meet
you will fear no more
and i won’t worry about you

always remember even if it rains, the moon is just there.

skeletons

i see the closet doors out of my periphery.
my heart beats faster as i know i will be opening them soon.

what will i do with what i find in there?
why has no one spoken of them?
why did they pretend they were not there?

there is nothing to "do," per se.
and there is much to know, to get to know.

i've been so busy doing other things.
i am reminded that this is also part of my work here.

okay.

kuwintas

the scent of nag champa doesn't make me sad anymore.
i burn a little bit everyday, and i remember the unflappable.
it strengthens my resolve.
and i smile.

i remember the laughter.
and the love.
the jokes and fun of long ago.
not that long ago.
lifetimes ago.

i remember the ease.
and i wonder when we'll find it again.

until then, i look at the moon.
until then, i continue to put one foot in front of the other.

i marvel how the love doesn't change.

i wear mine, too.