Kapwa

so, i'm reading this book, "Kapwa: The Self in the Other," written by Katrin de Guia.

so affirming.
thanks Universe.
have not met Katrin...yet.
looking forward to that day.

underlining like crazy. (shocking, i know)
reminds me of when i read Leny's "Coming Full Circle."
how to describe this feeling?
it's like a knowing...affirmed. confirmed. re-membered.
no separation.

from pg. 176
"one metaphor often used to describe the Filipino is the onion: so many layers of cultural influences, one over the other. what the metaphor does not tell is that the center of the onion hides the bulb's propensity for growth. those who peel the onion, as the metaphor wants us to do, hardly ever reach the innermost core becaue the peeler cannot take all the crying it entails."

bearing discomfort. cultivating the propensity, the capacity to bear discomfort. this is warriorship. willingness to shed the mask. be. not act. show my soft parts. the parts i don't normally show. vulnerablity. tears. emotion. if i feel it, i say it. or text it, as the case may be. i have no time to waste. every precious moment counts. every word counts. every effort to connect counts. Mitra said, as i took my leave, " whatever stands between you and your Awakening, lean into it." that means actually sometimes (often actually) seeking discomfort out. of course appropriately, and not indulging in martyrdom. it's good to be alive. it's good to be living. jyesss.

from pg. 209
"the thing about a calling is that it has a lot to do with discovering one's purpose in life, finding that exceptional task that matches one's talents and then mustering the courage to pursue it. however, callings do not usually grow by the roadside like pretty flowers, ready to be picked. the price for this kind of knowing, often painful, is the cost of transformation. the stumbling stones in life have possibly more to do with our mission. things that jolt us from the straight road of habit and spin us unto an entirely new directions where the mind screams, "No!" but deep down inside this new direction feels right! mastering the pain and the confusion that accompany change provides us with a new strength that makes us feel that we can do anything. and suddenly we have a new sense of direction. we know why we are here and where we are going."

my mind has often screamed out, "No!" not as much as she used to, though. allowing myself to be led further and further down the rabbit hole. developing a new sense of direction. figuring out why i am here. finding where i am going. it's a process.

i live in marikina presently.
on kapwa street, in fact.
lot 21.
block 9.

at the end of my block is dragon street.
the dragon is my Teacher's totem animal.
will take a picture of that corner signpost.
it is a reminder of how i am loved.
how i am held.
how i love.
how i hold.

good stuff.