unpacking...

a little gecko, about an inch long greeted me hello in the spoon rest, next to my stove in the kitchen this morning.
a kind of love and appreciation swoll up in me as i entered my apartment yesterday.
Rowell.
he cleaned.
perhaps, it is the Virgo in me...
coming home to a clean space is one of the best gifts ever.
today, he came over and we ate Fatima’s thighs.
i am convinced they taste like we are licking pink rose petals.
i did some unpacking today.
figurative, that is.
the literal is still strewn about my (ahem, clean) place.
i am eating this stale Trader Joe’s trail mix.
(i gotta stop.)
yesterday, first thing, i went to the palengke and bought load for my cell phone and computer. then, 2 carrots, a cucumber, a bunch of lemongrass, a huge hunk of young ginger, and 6 eggs. oh, and 2 fresh buko. set me back p130, which is less than $3.
it’s 1:37am on monday.
and i am acutely aware that i’m being antisocial and sleeping during waking hours and waking during sleeping hours.
my door is closed, so folks can’t peek in.
i brought no pasalubong home except for Fatima’s thighs for Rowell.
i just finished bathing with my bucket and tabo.
i used Rashmi’s amber soap.
i love that i can smell her here.
she and Pete got married here after all.
i inhale sharply the skin on my arm and i imagine her hugging me.
it’s a bit of comfort amidst all this unpacking.
i have this vague feeling that i don’t belong here anymore.
i don’t know if it is real or not.
am i creating it so that it is easier for me to let go?
is Inang Bayan saying, “go na, Anak,”?
i can hardly say.
time will tell i think.
i don’t know what time it is if i don’t look at my phone or this computer.
it’s grey for most of the day.
it rainy and cool.
i have to unpack literally soon.
i just remembered a wet bathing suit somewhere in there…
no, wait, i washed it.
phew.
been writing and sleeping.
and sleeping and writing.
like there is no other thing.