another level

my heart feels heavy.
with grief.

unmet expectations really suck.
unexpected challenges do too, if you ask me.

it is one thing to know that a situation isn't impossible.
it is another to feel like it utterly is.

i remember my meta-choice.
it helps me stay on track.

i never imagined it would be so hard to stay on track.

this is another level of learning.
my Freedom is around here somewhere.

if i just let go of my psoas muscles...
if i just let this lump in my throat dissolve...
if i just trust that there is purpose to this pain...

i've been distracted and distant.
i'm getting weary.
this isn't what i expected.

okay.
okay, dear Me.

grieve it.
grieve it fully.
it was a beautiful dream.

and then, get up again.
and meet what's actually here.

some losses we don't ever get over.
we just learn how to manage our lives despite them.

i wonder if this is that kind of loss.
time will tell.