there is an adorable photo booth picture of chandra and me on my desktop.
i really heart that photo booth application.
i recall that it was prolly the main impetus of my buying this black macbook.
that...
and it's black.
i took my computer to the apple store today because it has been running so very s - l - o - w lately.
i was all prepared for them to keep it for the next 2 days, but it turned out they fixed it in like 20 minutes.
cleaned out all the caches, reset some things, and did something else that i can't remember.
when it was all said and done, something like 13,429+ things were emptied out of the trash.
holy shit.
that's a lot of stuff.
instead of taking like 40 seconds for my computer to turn on and "get right," it takes like 10.
have a bunch of junk for me to sort thru and file away on my desktop, and the genius bar guy said once i did that, it would even run faster.
now, we're talking...
so, metaphorically speaking, this trip has been like this.
a reset.
a purging of things no longer needed.
where's my baggage?
a kind of clarity has descended, and i am grateful.
gave some talks at Sonoma State on spirituality and decolonization, upon invitation from my dear friend Leny.
(when did college students get so young?)
catching up; cosmic christ; delicious, nutritious, low salt meals; chi gong- my hands got hot like when i practice reiki; books!; a santo; babaylan conference on the horizon...
was invaluable to spend time with my Teacher and fellow Students.
center for transformative change, 27 days for change: Practice Period, urban retreat, chant leading, perfect intention, new liturgy, old liturgy, roles, observations, open house, memory, memories, getting lost, getting found, giving instruction, receiving instruction, knowings, being loud, social silence, truthfulness (phew, not continence), food, body, precision, warmth, baby children, JO KATA, dana, prostrations, the coarse hinderances (i have resolved to relax into these coarse ones. just thinking about the ones that remain hidden, for now, freak me the fuck out.)
connected with some pea-op-lays...
some on purpose, some quite by happy accident...
all divinely scripted tho, by the unfathomable Universe...
Mitra, mitra, chandra, Simha, Prema, Zochi, Leny, Cal, Sundaresvani, Suryanandi, Marie, Stan, Jim, Kim, Vassi, Jase, AGP, Miguel, Joseph...
checked out Rudolf Steiner College. drove way the fuck out there. worth the trip, if not just to satisfy the curiosity i had in my head about the place. glorious bookstore (i love books!)-they stayed open later for me, the campus was pretty much empty when i got there. despite this, was pleasantly surprised to have spied some folks of color. they were purty. spent time in the biodynamic garden and watched the master gardener and his helpers work. i'd like to do that some day. i sat on the bench near the vortex fountain, imagining. nice...
things shifting for me around my family, too.
(insert sigh here)
cuts close to the bone.
once upon a time, i had expectations of being understood.
then, after several lumps and bumps of the 'dark nights of the soul' quality, the expectations shifted to yearnings.
then the yearnings to longings.
now, i'm about ready to let go of the longing.
not quite yet.
haven't infused enough warmth in the process, so that i can send it off in a good way.
but almost.
let the Love remain.
let the Love remain.
let the Love remain.
where is my baggage?
there's no place like Home.
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
precision
i associate precision with coldness.
cold precision.
cold.
precision.
what does warm precision look like?
can precision be friends with warmth?
(we already know that warmth likes to be friends with everyone.)
for me and my Practice, i'm fixin' to find out.
cold precision.
cold.
precision.
what does warm precision look like?
can precision be friends with warmth?
(we already know that warmth likes to be friends with everyone.)
for me and my Practice, i'm fixin' to find out.
enlightening experience
from astro.com:
(boy, howdy.)
Enlightening Experience ***
Valid during many months:
This influence will expose you to ways of looking at the world that are quite different from any you have known before. The alternate states of consciousness designated by this influence are not terrifying or confusing. Instead, you are much more likely to experience a widening interest in the greater depths of the universe and an increased ability to perceive them.
Your intuition will be enormously heightened at this time, and if you have any innate psychic talents, they will appear now. You will be increasingly interested in the occult and astrology, and these disciplines will give you understandings that you have never had before. It is quite likely that you will have an enlightenment experience - a perception of your true place in the universe - on some level that is meaningful to you.
Idealism is also part of your life now, but its nature is very abstract. You are much more interested in philosophical truth and absolutes than in practical reforms in the world around you. The exception to this is that you could become directly and practically involved with the plight of the underprivileged. You might work to reform conditions in a hospital or other such institution.
Another consequence of this influence is that you may become involved with a religious or spiritual movement that works for social reform - a movement motivated not by political doctrines.
The interpretation above is for your transit selected for today:
Neptune Trine Uranus, , exact at 23:06
activity period from middle of May 2008 until beginning of December 2010
(boy, howdy.)
Enlightening Experience ***
Valid during many months:
This influence will expose you to ways of looking at the world that are quite different from any you have known before. The alternate states of consciousness designated by this influence are not terrifying or confusing. Instead, you are much more likely to experience a widening interest in the greater depths of the universe and an increased ability to perceive them.
Your intuition will be enormously heightened at this time, and if you have any innate psychic talents, they will appear now. You will be increasingly interested in the occult and astrology, and these disciplines will give you understandings that you have never had before. It is quite likely that you will have an enlightenment experience - a perception of your true place in the universe - on some level that is meaningful to you.
Idealism is also part of your life now, but its nature is very abstract. You are much more interested in philosophical truth and absolutes than in practical reforms in the world around you. The exception to this is that you could become directly and practically involved with the plight of the underprivileged. You might work to reform conditions in a hospital or other such institution.
Another consequence of this influence is that you may become involved with a religious or spiritual movement that works for social reform - a movement motivated not by political doctrines.
The interpretation above is for your transit selected for today:
Neptune Trine Uranus, , exact at 23:06
activity period from middle of May 2008 until beginning of December 2010
Monday, March 16, 2009
a year later
I said to my soul, be still, and wait without hope.
For hope would be hope for the wrong thing; wait without love
For love would be love of the wrong thing; there is yet faith
But the faith and the love and the hope are all in the waiting.
Wait without thought, for you are not ready for thought:
So the darkness shall be the light, and the stillness the dancing.
-T.S Eliot
friend, i just read this.
a year later.
i'm beginning to understand.
For hope would be hope for the wrong thing; wait without love
For love would be love of the wrong thing; there is yet faith
But the faith and the love and the hope are all in the waiting.
Wait without thought, for you are not ready for thought:
So the darkness shall be the light, and the stillness the dancing.
-T.S Eliot
friend, i just read this.
a year later.
i'm beginning to understand.
Thursday, March 12, 2009
la reve
the human body is amazing.
and beautiful.
just came home from watching 'la reve' with my sisters.
our parents' treat.
a new standard was born for me this night.
i want to be la reve strong.
all the kalbo men remind me of powder.
one of my favorite parts is when they all wore orange skirts.
muscles, muscles everywhere.
and beautiful.
just came home from watching 'la reve' with my sisters.
our parents' treat.
a new standard was born for me this night.
i want to be la reve strong.
all the kalbo men remind me of powder.
one of my favorite parts is when they all wore orange skirts.
muscles, muscles everywhere.
venus in retrograde
my reiki teacher, Aisa, sent me an email about venus in retrograde.
a snippet:
From March 6 through April 17 2009, the planet Venus will be
retrograde. The retrograde motion of an inner planet is an apparent
phenomena as viewed from earth in which Venus appears to move
backwards in the sky. Every 1 ½ years, when Venus moves
approximately 29 degrees ahead of the Sun (in the astrological
ephemeris), it will begin to move backwards in the sky until it
reaches a point approximately 21 to 29 degrees behind the Sun.
When Venus is retrograde, it provides lessons in evaluating the real
worth and value of people and things in our life (Taurus-Libra
issues). With existing relationships, this cycle produces
experiences wherein it is easier to discern the relative worth and
value of these people in your life.
Discrimination is more effective. You become readily aware of any
problems, differences or unresolved issues. It is NOT a time,
however, to act upon any unfavorable awareness. It is purely a time
of evaluation rather than direct action. As little frictions and
disagreements crop up, they serve to remind you that the
relationship is not perfect. Under the retrograde influence, you
must assess the severity of the problem and the "cost-benefit" of
the relationship. Only after Venus turns direct should you initiate
any alienation if this is deemed necessary.
when i read this, it makes so much sense.
AND, hold onto your butts (again!)
change is a-comin'.
change is a-comin'.
change is a-comin'.
change is a-here.
as in, everpresent.
transition is the norm.
('member?)
relationships don't end;
they just change.
so, there is some major shifting going on in my relationships.
with pea-op-lays. (ooph.)
with places.
with things.
with concepts.
with things unseen.
with things felt.
with ideas.
and expectations.
of course there is.
I am changing.
again.
the world is expanding.
correction.
my view is expanding.
the world remains as it is.
it's a revolution, in every sense of the wor(l)d...
it's extraordinary.
ah, good.
'cause so am I.
revolution.
this may well be my new favorite word...
a forcible overthrow of the social order in favor for a new (presumably better) system
a dramatic and wide-reaching change in the way something works or is organized
a revolving (like another turn in the upward spiral!)
9 seconds.
('member?)
in this moment, i am feeling like 9 seconds is enough, after all.
that, perhaps, 9 seconds can contract and expand like everything else.
i will enjoy this time of heightened discernment.
I am resolute in my to intention receive all gifts of awareness with equanimity.
i will act,
not react.
the difference is a breath.
an exhale, to be more precise.
yum.
a snippet:
From March 6 through April 17 2009, the planet Venus will be
retrograde. The retrograde motion of an inner planet is an apparent
phenomena as viewed from earth in which Venus appears to move
backwards in the sky. Every 1 ½ years, when Venus moves
approximately 29 degrees ahead of the Sun (in the astrological
ephemeris), it will begin to move backwards in the sky until it
reaches a point approximately 21 to 29 degrees behind the Sun.
When Venus is retrograde, it provides lessons in evaluating the real
worth and value of people and things in our life (Taurus-Libra
issues). With existing relationships, this cycle produces
experiences wherein it is easier to discern the relative worth and
value of these people in your life.
Discrimination is more effective. You become readily aware of any
problems, differences or unresolved issues. It is NOT a time,
however, to act upon any unfavorable awareness. It is purely a time
of evaluation rather than direct action. As little frictions and
disagreements crop up, they serve to remind you that the
relationship is not perfect. Under the retrograde influence, you
must assess the severity of the problem and the "cost-benefit" of
the relationship. Only after Venus turns direct should you initiate
any alienation if this is deemed necessary.
when i read this, it makes so much sense.
AND, hold onto your butts (again!)
change is a-comin'.
change is a-comin'.
change is a-comin'.
change is a-here.
as in, everpresent.
transition is the norm.
('member?)
relationships don't end;
they just change.
so, there is some major shifting going on in my relationships.
with pea-op-lays. (ooph.)
with places.
with things.
with concepts.
with things unseen.
with things felt.
with ideas.
and expectations.
of course there is.
I am changing.
again.
the world is expanding.
correction.
my view is expanding.
the world remains as it is.
it's a revolution, in every sense of the wor(l)d...
it's extraordinary.
ah, good.
'cause so am I.
revolution.
this may well be my new favorite word...
a forcible overthrow of the social order in favor for a new (presumably better) system
a dramatic and wide-reaching change in the way something works or is organized
a revolving (like another turn in the upward spiral!)
9 seconds.
('member?)
in this moment, i am feeling like 9 seconds is enough, after all.
that, perhaps, 9 seconds can contract and expand like everything else.
i will enjoy this time of heightened discernment.
I am resolute in my to intention receive all gifts of awareness with equanimity.
i will act,
not react.
the difference is a breath.
an exhale, to be more precise.
yum.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
incense and tea
roused from sleep at 4am this morning.
no easy feat; for the last week or so, i've been waking up at 8am, 9am, noon.
i'm luxuriating in this high speed internet at my parents' house.
it's just so...
easy.
i think of the times when i connect to the internet in my place in sta. rita.
it's like rotary phone dial up modem-dot matrix printer-that game lemonade-black strap molasses in a blizzard-slow.
i just got done talking to Rowell through skype.
the moon is already full there.
kyut daw ang buwan kasi paminsan-minsan may ulap.
i gave him the keys to my place before i left.
he said he's slept there the last two nights.
he lit incense.
and drank tea.
i'm a little surprised at how incredibly comforting this is to me.
i leave for the bay area on saturday for two weeks.
my mother seemed surprised that i was going.
i was surprised that she was surprised.
translation: she will miss me. i'll miss her, too.
i've been taking my turn caring for my baby pamangkin.
i love to kiss her, even her little pusod hernia
she smells like milk.
no easy feat; for the last week or so, i've been waking up at 8am, 9am, noon.
i'm luxuriating in this high speed internet at my parents' house.
it's just so...
easy.
i think of the times when i connect to the internet in my place in sta. rita.
it's like rotary phone dial up modem-dot matrix printer-that game lemonade-black strap molasses in a blizzard-slow.
i just got done talking to Rowell through skype.
the moon is already full there.
kyut daw ang buwan kasi paminsan-minsan may ulap.
i gave him the keys to my place before i left.
he said he's slept there the last two nights.
he lit incense.
and drank tea.
i'm a little surprised at how incredibly comforting this is to me.
i leave for the bay area on saturday for two weeks.
my mother seemed surprised that i was going.
i was surprised that she was surprised.
translation: she will miss me. i'll miss her, too.
i've been taking my turn caring for my baby pamangkin.
i love to kiss her, even her little pusod hernia
she smells like milk.
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