advice

today, i've looked at myself in the mirror several times.
right in the eye.
i even raise my right hand, pointer finger extended (for emphasis),
and i say,
" do not settle, Muki."

do not settle.
you are amazing.
and beautiful.
and extraordinary.

and your person is out there.
and, when it is time, and not a moment before, you will meet.

in the meantime, just keep going.

i realized today how difficult it is for me to be back in the states.
there are many painful memories of when i have settled.

perhaps what is most difficult is that i realize that i have been on the brink of doing it all over again.
this time, though, with a little bit more sophistication and more elaborate smokescreen.
i am in danger of repeating this mistake, and i must just stop.

just stop.

Mitra always said, "don't believe your own bullshit."
i so want to.

but, i'll just stop instead.
and with this little big act of courage, i inch my way closer and closer to Awakening.

i remember this quote from Chogyam Trungpa:

"when you walk into this world of reality, the greater or cosmic world, you will find the way to rule your world - but, at the same time, you will also find a sense of aloneness. it is possible that this world could become a palace or kingdom to you, but as its king or queen, you will be a monarch with a broken heart."

i have a feeling that i will be looking at myself in the eye several more times in the next coming months.