recent email to my teacher training batchmates

halloo Dears,
whew, what a whirlwind...
have some interesting stories to share with all of you.

first
i was sitting next to a rather choleric person on my flight from manila to vancouver last sunday.
this person i was sitting next to was showing mostly the shadow side of the choleric.
he was impatient with the flight attendants. nothing was fast enough. nothing was good enough. it was all too this or too that.
he would swear and complain about everything from the food to the drinks to the temperature in the cabin to the service.
i was a bit worried about this, as it is a 14 hour flight to vancouver.
when we were served our first meal of the flight, he was not happy with it.
he was very vocal about it, too.

i could feel myself getting anxious and upset.
and i remember thinking, here's another opportunity for you to work with your difficulty with the shadow of the choleric temperament.
great. (insert big sigh here.)
and then i thought, "aha, here's a perfect time to practice the freeze frame exercise."

i tried.
and tried.
and tried.
and, for the love of Jesus, i tried.
and, i couldn't get past step one.

i forgot to mention that, presently, i happen to be reading a biography of Rudolf Steiner written by Gary Lachman.
on the cover, is a stern picture of Steiner.
actually, except for the picture that Peter Patterson showed us first block, i always thought all the photos of Steiner that i had seen were so intense and stern.

i bought this book in may 2007 before i moved to the philippines. i started it then, but couldn't finish it. so much went over my head.
anyway, after 2nd block, i took it up again and really have been enjoying it.

Rudolf Steiner is such a remarkable thinker...

anyway, i don't care too much for the cover picture, and whenever i set the book down, i make sure that the cover is facing downward or away from me.

i often feel his gaze is too intense for me.

well, i was getting frustrated with myself because i was failing miserably at getting past step one of the freeze frame.

i looked up, and i realized that i must have placed the book in the seat pocket in front of me so that Rudolf Steiner was staring right at me.

and i swear, i thought for a moment he gave me a little smile.

and in that smile, he reminded me that yes, indeedy, this was an opportunity for me, once again, to work with my difficulty with the shadow side of the choleric.

and in that smile, he reminded me that this was not an accident that i happen to be sitting next to this particular person, that it was scripted by the Universe for us to meet that day, and in that way.

and in that smile, he gave me encouragement, that i could rise to the occasion.

and in that smile, he reminded me that it was rather funny, this particular predicament that i found myself in (again!) and to remember to enjoy the experience.

so, i smiled back at him, nodded, and thanked him.

and then i imagined a white light and shining it all over me, as a protection.
now, i've heard of healers using a visualization of a white light before. this is the first time that i had ever used it with myself.
i thought to myself, "kawawa itong mama nito. he seems so unhappy. and that is for him to sort out. my business here is to learn how to work with this anxiety and fear that is coming up for me. i do not give him permission to negatively affect me anymore. he cannot harm me. he will not harm me. i protect myself with this white light. and i bless him on his journey that he may find peace."

after that, his tantrums didn't affect me so much anymore.
they still did, of course, but it was bearable.
and i consider it a real sign of growth that i didn't scream at him or smack him.


second
i'm on Day 30 of the thinking exercise.
woohoo!!
will of course still keep it up, as my thinking still needs strengthening.
but, i thought i would never get here...
and here i am.


third
my Tita Lettie flew in today from Chicago for my sister's graduation.
this particular Tita and i have had an interesting and somewhat tumultuous relationship, especially when i was an adolescent.
she is so different from her husband, Tito Ben.
they had one son; we are the same age, and we were raised together.
especially when we were babies, we were raised more like siblings than cousins.
when my parents and i immigrated from the philippines, we lived with Tita Lettie, Tito Ben, and Ronnie until my parents could afford to rent their own apartment.
Tita Lettie and i, for the most part, get along very well these days, and i was talking to her about my decision to change professions.
a couple of months back i even sent her a copy of the GCI teacher training brochure.
Tito Ben died when i was in college. both he and Tita Lettie were teachers. (she just retired last year.)
Tito Ben was so patient and kind.
he was so gentle and comforting. (Tita Lettie, my father's sister, is more choleric! go figure!)

anyway, Tita Lettie informed me today that Tito Ben was, in fact, a WALDORF TEACHER.

i had no idea.
none at all.
i'm crying as i type this.
because, he really was one of my favorite uncles.
and i knew he was a teacher, and i knew he worked with special ed kids.
so, he must have specialized in the curative pedagogy.

what i did know though that i always loved being around my Tito Ben.
that i felt safe.
and seen.

we were laughing because Tita told me stories how she would be so puzzled about his lesson plans.
they didn't make sense to her. she taught in mainstream, conventional school, in the esl (english as a second language) program.
she didn't understand this morning circle and recorder playing and string pictures stuff.

when i asked her how Tito Ben became a Waldorf teacher, she told me a most interesting story.
when she first came to the states she was working part time as a montessori school teacher and part time as a phlebotamist in the hospital.
Tito Ben was still in the Philippines, but would be coming to the states shortly.
there was a German patient that was in the hospital for a week, and every morning, Tita Lettie would be the one to draw his blood. they chatted and she found out that he was a co-founder of a Waldorf school in that area. when he found out that she was a teacher, he invited her to the school, thinking perhaps that she would like to work there. she really had no interest, but mentioned that Tito Ben would be coming in a month, and perhaps he would like to teach there.

so, when Tito Ben came to the states, both he and Tita Lettie decided to go to the school for an interview. part of the interview was observation.
and Tita Lettie knew right away that she did not want to work there. and Tito Ben knew right away that he did. so, they put him through a teacher training, and he worked there ever since.

it's a remarkable story.
so, it was never that far away from me all those years growing up pala.
i just never knew.

much Love,
Karen