psoas

have this anxiety.
haven't felt this in 6 months.
not that i haven't felt anxious in the Philippines.
this is a different kind.

vague.
deep.

parang yung sariling dwende ko, ang ginhawa ko ay sa bilangguan.
and she's scared.
and she's confused because she doesn't know why she's so scared.

i can feel my psoas, so sore.
last night, i had to go outside and look at the moon.
and talk to her.
because if i stayed inside, i would start climbing the walls.
and it's so cold here.

then, i borrowed my sister's car and went for a drive.
looking, looking for something familiar.
something to hold onto.

i drove 20 miles.
trying to find some comfort outside of myself.
wala eh.

is it something about being in vegas?
siguro.
i've often said, i'd have nothing to do with las vegas if my family didn't live here.
it's the land of delusion kasi.

i've become so sensitive to energies.
i don't know if i can stay until after new year.
i want to see my family though.
and spend time with them.

naku.

ano ba ito?
will have to find some way to work with this anxiety.
must be time to work with this, too.

sige.