transition is the norm.

"life is so precious. we can't waste a moment. whatever you are doing
right now, may it be in service of truly living your purpose. may it
be done with love, kindness, fierce compassion, honesty, and
integrity. may all our actions always come from this place."

i said that after my doggy, Rosie, died in 2006.

been moving through a lot of grief lately.
i marvel at how rich my life is.

had to say goodbye to some dear friends the other day.
justin went back to new york.
nathanel went to the visayas.
troy is off to spain and morocco.
joy to rizal province soon.
me off to pampanga maybe next week.

it was so painful because the connections are so very deep.

i've done this before.
when i moved to the Philippines, saying goodbye to my New Dharma Community was so very painful. and so very sweet.
i know this sweet painful place.

i think about my impromptu breakfast dates with my friend, Erica, right before i left. how we would talk about this grown-up kind of pain. this grown up kind of love over omelettes or arizmendi's. how short our time was together this time round. and so enriching.

i think about my friend, Vas, who was the first.
actually, a flood of images come to my brain.
they are all people.
all relationships.

this is what matters.
connections.
relationships.

how many dying people have i cared for in my life?
many.

when they are laying in their beds, dying, they aren't talking about their cars.
or their houses.
or their jewelry.
or their money.

they are talking about people they loved
people they love.
people they've wronged.
family.
kids.
lovers.
the regrets that they talk about are about the things left unsaid.
or the paths not taken.

how i used to hate working night shift in the icu.
sleep deprivation and depression proved not a good combo.

i appreciate those times now.
it is such an honor to be with people when they are at their most vulnerable.
to be let in, even if it is difficult or not wanted.
will never do shift work ever again, though, nights or otherwise.

how i used to hate being a nurse.
had so many beefs with my profession.
the back-biting. the passive aggression. the horizontal violence.

i appreciate that i am a nurse now.
i help people heal themselves.
am embracing my profession where she's at and will continue to help her move in the direction of wholeness.

if i hadn't gone through that experience, perhaps i wouldn't appreciate
how precious life is.
how precious relationships are.
how important it is to love and be loved.
how important it is to be impeccable.
how nothing lasts.
so enjoy it.
all of it.
don't waste time and energy picking and choosing.
all of it.

constant transition.
consistent transition.

i think it was my friend joseph that once wrote about enjoying the liminal spaces in his life.
tamang tama 'yun.

transition is the norm.
transition is the norm.
transition is the norm.