panyo

took me like 15 minutes to fold a handkerchief kanina.
the corners wouldn't match up.
had a hard time just letting it be.
letting it go.

did my laundry this morning.
it's a kind of meditation, and i appreciate the process.

i sort my dirty clothes in piles.
pants, t-shirts, little things, towels, malong, etc.

i like to rotate what i wash.
(mostly because my arms get tired.)

pants (big thing) first.
then underwear (little thing).
then t-shirt (medium thing).

or sometimes medium, big, little.
depende sa mood ko.

as i wash each item, i remember what i did the day i wore it.
then, my mind spins off into another place.

after it's rinsed and partially wrung out, it soaks in water with softener.
then, wring, wring wring.
hang it up, inside out.
alikabok kasi.

drip, drip, drip.
the water is hard here in madapdap.
and a bit rusty.
my clothes are a little stiff when they are dry.

then folding.
sorting.
i sniff them as i fold and pile.
earlier, it was mixture of downy and cigarette smoke from a man smoking in front.

i actually have an iron.
i hardly use it.
way back in the day, i remember ironing my nursing uniforms while watching The Matrix.
seems like such a long time ago.
ages.
lifetimes.
it's only been about 5 years.

funny, cause when i think about it, i was actually in the matrix, as i ironed those uniforms.
wasn't long after that i unplugged.

i remember when i first saw that movie.
my eyes got all round and big.
the matrix is real.

now, i live in the real world.
and sometimes i wish for a bite of that steak.

especially lately.

funny also because even when i give myself permission to have a bit of that steak, it doesn't taste as good as i remember.

it's just familiar.
and predictable.
and, therefore, safe.

nowhere to hide lately.
Universe is shaking my cosmic tree.
anything in the way of my clarity, my freedom, my awakening is being shaken loose.

again.

will ride my bike to the monastary tomorrow morning.
palm sunday mass for my christ year.