take it away

i remember this graphic that i ran across some years ago, on craigslist, i think.
it was of this little sad looking creature-monster, holding his heart, away from his body, in his extended hand.
there is a gaping hole in his chest where it was.
the caption read, "take it away."

i wish i could find that graphic.
i would set it as my desktop.
maybe it's on my external hard drive.
in that one black bag,
on the floor,
in the corner,
in the main room,
in my apartment,
in santa rita.

i hope i find it again.
it's how i feel.

maybe seeing it again, will help me move through this.
i'm just so fucking angry.

it's unnerving actually.
so this is what it feels like, this kind of brokenhearted.
haven't had this flavor before.
packs quite a wallop.
had no idea.
so, this must be how bitter is born.

i try to forget you.
and i can't.
when i see a beautiful space.
or eat some really good food.
you're there.
nakakainis.

it won't always hurt this much...
will it?

i mean, i know it won't.
it won't, Muki.
it just really, really, really does right now.