smiling underneath

things that i swore i couldn't let go of are in the process of being let go of.
things i wouldn't let go of are, gradually, slipping away, going their own way, because i have found a way to loosen my grip.

it's a strange feeling.
i'm having one of those hazy moments, where i'm like, "totoo ba ito? is this really happening? is it really just the difference of a moment? a shift in perception?"

really?

i feel like i got shot at repeatedly, and there's just no way that i didn't get hit.
i frantically pat my body all over, looking for blood or holes or guts or even pain.
and there is none.

it's a strange feeling talaga.
i don't know quite what to make of it.

things that i have used, in the past, to define me suddenly don't fit.
like i had the locks changed overnight.
or maybe i had them removed.

this is a quieter part of the maze.
and, i'll enjoy the newness of it.
and thoughtfully create a space of curiosity about this newness, this new place.

it really is so strange.