i'm feeling apprehensive. and scared. and unsure. ugh. i know this feeling well. i used to live here. now, i'm visitor, and when i return to this neighborhood, i am reminded, oh so well, why i decided to get the hell out of dodge. i don't like feeling like this. and, here i am.
i'm at an internet cafe. there are a bunch of younger folk around, swearing in Tagalog, while they play shoot 'em up games. thank god for headphones, or i might go crazy for the din.
pinoys are so damn dramatic. even for my tastes. the pop music is enough to drive you to drink or drive nails in your arteries. don't get me started on the telenovelas and movies. killin' me. i eat it all up, hook, line, and sinker. it's so easy. it's like breathing. this can't be good for me. i'm in a highly suggestive state. hopeless romantic.
saw pirates of the caribbean 3 last night with my cousin and auntie. the good will turner for every 10 years of ferrying the souls of those who died at sea to the other side gets one day ashore to spend with his beloved.
how do you like them apples? is this the life that i am choosing? does my beloved know this? is one day every ten years fair? more importantly, is it okay for her? is it enough? is it okay with me? is it enough for me? do i have to choose? do i have to choose right now?
see? this is what i am talking about. being surrounded by all of these dramatics is not doing anything for this overactive, excitable, and imaginative nature of mine. killin' me.
how many lovers have i left behind? how many will i have here?
mind your sexual energy, Muki.
please.
okay.
i will.
i know what happens when i don't.
i can cause all kinds of havoc. i've not caused havoc before, but certainly messiness...
i'm sure of three things:
1) i Love her.
2) the Mitra is my Teacher.
3) i am called to be here.
4) i'm scared.
that last one is a temporary condition, so it really doesn't count like the first three.
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