lost...again

feeling lost...again. and itchy. and hot. and sticky. and sweaty.

this won't last i know.
and, here i am.

gonna go take a bath.
the cool water will cool my frustration.
i'll let it all wash down the drain.

go, go, go.
scrub my skin.
scrub all the grime of sm north edsa hypermart off me.
of the ridiculous din of the live sunday afternoon mall variety show that has filled my ears, my head, the space between my clothes and skin. why do they have to yell so? why am i so absorbent?

get off me.
get off me.

cool this temper.
cool this temperament.
this place that i stay is so hot.
the wars that have been fought here.
the wars that continue.

they aren't mine,
and i am the witness.
it's not my heat.
this doesn't feel like the useful kind.

cool.
cool.
cool.


i turn my pillow over wishing for a cool side.
there is none.
just mosquitos.
and hot still air,
unless the fan is on.

i drink the water. half a glass before i go to sleep, after soothing my heart.
in the morning, drink the other half, after releasing what is no longer useful.
it's a ritual that Bong taught me.

i wish i could feel some coolness, right about now.