Trust

i cycle faster than i used to.
before, i could get caught up in my emotions for days, weeks even.
before that, months.
years...

i am discovering new things about myself.
new ways of living.
of being.
of Being.

choices made.
making choices.
choice.

it's so interesting to observe it.
this process.
to live it.
to see it, instead of unconsciously bungling my way through it,
inadvertently bulldozing all that used to lay in my path.

i can still do that.
i still feel the impulses to do it even.
but, i don't.
i choose not to.
that's the perhaps hardest part.
when i choose not to indulge in a certain ingrained pattern of behavior.
it's not the relinquishing that's the hardest.
it's the not knowing what to do instead.
it's when i feel most vulnerable.
where i can i easily get distraught.

and i know a Trust is being forged.
a Trust that i am being held.
that if i agree to keep stepping out into the Unknown,
it becomes Known.
and manageable.
and not so scary.
and it doesn't take very long.
and it's not so bloody, as it once was.

strange.
and true.